Our Little Secret Read online

  A hand grasps mine, making me pause. It’s Dani, smiling softly, mouthing It’s okay. But it’s not.

  I don’t want to make a scene. I’ve already made enough of one and I need the air. I need the space.

  So much space.

  * * *

  I watch him go. I watch Dani watch him go. And the need to go after him burns through me. Why hasn’t she gone after him?

  Even with his well-tailored jacket enhancing the line of his shoulders, they look drawn in, tense, and nothing can take my focus away from his retreating form.

  He doesn’t look back, just keeps going until he’s lost amongst the darkness and the foliage. But still I can’t focus on the conversation that picks up around the table. Everyone tries to fill the awkward lull save for me. I’m too annoyed that no one else is going. I look to Dani, my eyes urging her to go and check on him without actually coming right out and saying it.

  She leans into me, her hand coming to rest on my own. ‘It’s okay. He’ll be okay,’ she says in a hushed tone for my ears only. ‘Mum’s forever winding him up when we’re together and he’ll take himself off for a time-out to calm down and—’

  ‘A time-out?’ My whisper is rushed, breathless with disbelief. ‘He’s not some naughty toddler being sent away, Dani.’

  Her eyes widen with a laugh. ‘I didn’t say he was, but now you—’

  She breaks off abruptly at the continued concern in my face. ‘Okay, okay, if it’ll make you feel better, I’ll go and check on him.’

  ‘No, it’s fine, I’ll go.’

  I’m already rising, but her hand reaches out for me again. ‘Hey, are you okay?’

  I frown down at her. ‘I’m not the one you should be asking.’

  My voice is still too low to be overheard above the general hubbub around us, but I’m aware I stand out. I’m standing at the table with Dani’s hand clasped around mine, her concerned gaze on me, for me, when I should be concerned with making sure she stays happy, not the other way around. I immediately regret my snappy retort.

  Hell, who am I to get between them? What do I know about sibling relationships? I just know that he didn’t look okay when he left and I’d like to think that, if he was my brother, I’d go after him.

  Dani’s eyes quietly search mine and I plaster on a smile.

  ‘Sorry. That didn’t come out right. What I mean is, I’m fine and I’m going to make sure your brother is.’ I lean down and press my cheek to hers, giving her shoulders a gentle squeeze. ‘It’s my job as maid of honour to smooth over any troubles this week, and I’d feel happier knowing he’s okay rather than assuming it.’

  I feel a small stab of guilt that it’s not quite the full truth. That in actual fact my few encounters with her brother have shown me another side to him, one that Dani doesn’t seem to know exists, and it’s that knowledge of him that has me wanting to go to him now.

  He’s done so much to ensure this wedding comes off without a hitch that to get up and walk out during dinner isn’t something he would do lightly.

  But I can’t let her know any of that. Not right this second, at any rate. Instead, I give her one more squeeze. ‘Save some Eton Mess for me, won’t you?’

  She taps my hand, her smile one of gratitude now. ‘Will do. And don’t let him keep you too long. We thought we’d play cards after dinner. If you can coax Raf away from his work, it’d be nice if he could join us too.’

  ‘I’ll see what I can do.’

  One last smile and I’m walking in his direction, hoping he has stuck to the softly lit path, because if he hasn’t I’m never going to find him. It’s hard to hear anything over the chatter back at the table and the ripple of the insects in the undergrowth. The further I walk, the more the insects take over, and I realise I have no idea where he is. I’m almost at the pool when I sense movement off to my right and see a shadow in amongst the vines. Rafael?

  I squint into the darkness but it’s no use. I start blindly in that direction, hoping there’s nothing in the undergrowth about to attack me. I feel oddly vulnerable leaving the path behind, the vines running either side of me, the trill of the insects even louder now; I breathe in deeply and let the scent of Tuscany soothe my elevated pulse.

  ‘Rafael?’ I call out softly and the shadow becomes a definite figure as he turns to face me. His eyes glitter in the darkness, the moonlight cast through the vines streaking across his face, and I can make out his hands shoved deep into his pockets. ‘Is everything...is everything okay?’

  ‘What are you doing here?’ His tone is hard, so hard I wonder if I’ve misjudged the situation. Maybe I’m the last person he wants coming after him.

  ‘Sorry, I just wanted to make sure you’re okay. I can... I can go.’ I start to turn away and he steps forward, his hand closing softly around my wrist and sending a zip of warmth right through my arm.

  ‘No, I’m sorry.’ He stops to stand before me, so close I can feel his breath brush against my hair. ‘Like I said before, my family—or, rather, my mother—brings out the worst in me.’

  I look up into his eyes and search their harrowed depths for the answers I so desperately want, even though I hardly know him. It’s been less than twenty-four hours, yet it feels like a lifetime, and I can’t stop the question from surfacing. ‘Why did you leave?’

  He shakes his head and rakes a hand through his hair as he looks to the darkened vineyard rather than me. ‘You won’t understand.’

  ‘Try me. Please.’

  He flicks me a look and I can see the hesitation in the line forming between his brows.

  ‘I want to understand.’

  He wets his lips and I sense his nervousness. The severe, strong, confident Rafael is nervous and my heart flutters with the realisation.

  ‘My mother never speaks of my father. She never speaks of Tuscany or our time here. It...it was a shock.’

  ‘It hurt you.’

  He scoffs. ‘It made me uncomfortable.’

  ‘Why? Because it makes you realise that perhaps you and your mother have more in common than you think?’

  ‘We are nothing alike.’

  I place a palm on his arm. ‘She seemed very genuine.’

  Another scoff.

  ‘You don’t think she was?’

  His mouth is a grim line and I don’t press. I wait patiently, hoping he will open up.

  ‘No, I think she meant it, that’s why...why it got to me.’

  Why it hurt so much, my brain supplies for him, because it does hurt him; I can see it in his face as I turn him to look at me.

  ‘You should talk to her about it, let her open up to you, and you can do the same in return. Life’s too short not to try to salvage a relationship with her, Rafael.’

  I feel the pain of my own loss, my own mother, who I’d give anything to have back in my life once more.

  ‘Perhaps.’

  His eyes are so dark in the low light, dark and pained; the lines bracketing his mouth, severe. I want to reach up and smooth them away. I want to kiss his lips and make them soften, make them smile or slacken with desire. Anything but this.

  And it’s something I have the power to do. He’s opened me up to new possibilities, to pleasure, wild and abandoned... My lips feel parched with the memory of it all and I wet them, watching his eyes flare as they trace the move, and I know I’m not alone in riding this fresh wave of heat.

  The air seems to thicken and wrap around us, the sound of the insects falling away as our elevated breaths blend into the same rhythm.

  ‘You should go back to the table before you are missed.’

  He says the words, but his hand doesn’t release me. Instead, his other hand lifts to cup my cheek. His fingers are gentle and his eyes roam over my face, intense, searching.

  ‘I want you to come back with me.’ I remember that’s why I’m here. To make
sure he’s okay and bring him back for dessert, for cards with his family. But my feet are as rooted as the vines around us.

  ‘I will...’ His gaze rests on my lips and his head lowers slowly, so slowly. ‘Soon.’

  And then his mouth sweeps over mine and the tiny little tremors that have been building ever since he grabbed my wrist take off inside. The whimper I utter, their outlet. My mouth moves in time with his and I angle my head to let him in deeper, to let his tongue graze mine. Oh, yes.

  He releases my wrist to wrap his arm around me, drawing my body up against his, tearing his mouth away to find the sensitive skin of my throat. His stubble is rough as it scrapes against my skin, making me shiver and shake. The lust so powerful it consumes me from within as I fork my hands through his hair and cling to him for support as my knees weaken.

  His hand leaves my cheek to stroke down my front, over the light fabric of my dress, my bra... He palms my breast, his thumb sweeping over one taut peak and making my hips roll.

  He comes back up to claim my mouth, to swallow my moan that is quick to follow, and his arm around me tightens. I palm his chest and kiss him deeply, feeling his heat permeate my fingers, feeling his heart beating as wildly as my own.

  ‘I think it’s my turn to give you a happy ending...’ I look at him from beneath my lashes, waiting for my meaning to register as I lower my fingers to his belt and start to unfasten it. His body stills. His fingers are quick to close around mine as he struggles to drag in air. His jaw pulses and his throat bobs. But I don’t look away. I don’t stop, either, and his fingers slacken over mine, letting me continue.

  He’s staring so hard into my eyes, their glittering depths hypnotic, and I’m high on it. The power, the control, the risk, even... I unbutton his trousers and ease his zipper down. The sound of it cuts through the air as illicit as any erotic touch. His cock strains to greet me and I trace a fingernail down his clothed length, savouring the way his jaw pulses and his nostrils flare with his sharp inhalation. I wonder if lust has stolen his voice as I slip my hand inside his briefs and feel him pulse within my grasp.

  I pump his cock and his hands fly to my hips. ‘Dio, Faye.’

  My smile is small and teasing, my eyes drinking in the tension rippling through his body. ‘Do you want me to stop?’

  He shudders, the breath hissing between his teeth as I move over him again, my hand twisting and undulating.

  ‘No, no.’ The words are as tight as his body. His eyes squeeze shut, his fingers flexing against my hips. ‘But you will be my undoing.’

  ‘Good,’ I whisper. ‘And, when you’re sated, we can return to play cards with the guests as though nothing is amiss.’

  ‘And you?’

  He opens his eyes and stares down at me as if he can scarcely believe we’re doing this, in the vineyard, with the chatter of the guests blowing on the breeze, the vines cocooning us.

  That makes two of us. But...

  ‘This is about you.’ And my sexual awakening, if I want to be even more honest about it. I lift up on tiptoes and brush my lips with his, parting them with a flick of my tongue, and it has his eyes flaring into mine. ‘No one knows what we’re doing. No one can know but us. It’s our little secret and I want to take advantage of that.’

  He bucks into my grasp, his groan reverberating through me. I clench my legs together tight, nursing the ache that’s building with his pleasure. I feel his pre-cum slip through my fist and I bite into my lip.

  He shakes his head. ‘Faye...’

  ‘I want this. I want to make you lose control like you made me today. Let me have this.’

  I stroke him harder, let him grind into my grasp as I set the tempo. His hands lift to my shoulders and he throws his head. ‘Si... Si, cara mia.’

  His Italian endearment merges with his heightened need and I am so lost to the moment, so lost that I forget I want more, that I want to taste him, like he tasted me.

  ‘You need to stop before...before...’ I look up into his flushed face and see what he means staring back at me. But it’s my turn to shake my head as I lift my dress to my knees and bend to the ground.

  ‘It’s my turn,’ I repeat, and his hands lift to my hair, his eyes burning into my lips as I bring them to the tip of his erection and flick my tongue out to tease at his slit.

  His cock bucks in my hold, his, ‘Are you sure?’ a growl.

  Jesus. I’m on my knees before him, his cock at my lips, and he’s asking me if I’m sure.

  How can Dani not know her brother as I do?

  He loves.

  He cares.

  And right now he cares too much to let his wicked desires take over and drive this. My answer is to surround his head and sink him in deep, so deep he reaches the back of my throat, and I know he’s holding back. I know the reason his body is so rigid is that he doesn’t dare fuck my mouth as deeply as he desires. That I have to take him there.

  I cover his hand in my hair and I hold him there as my other hand grips him, sinking him in deeper and sucking hard, telling him with my actions what I want, what I need. Slowly he succumbs, his fingers tightening in my hair as his body rocks faster, harder. I moan around him, telling him, yes, yes, yes, come for me. My eyes burn into his, urging him on. The moon enshrouds him in white. He is a dark shadow with eyes that glitter, his panted breaths overtaking the trill of the insects around us, flooding my ears and my clit with heat. I drop the hand over his to the skirt of my dress and hook it under to find my swollen, wet heat and I rock into my palm.

  I won’t orgasm. I won’t. This is for him. But I can’t ignore the acute beat that demands something, anything.

  ‘Faye... Faye... Faye...’ My name erupts with every rock of his body and then he bucks sharply, his head thrown back, growling to the heavens, and I cry with him as he fills my hungry mouth, my body grinding hard on my fingers. Yes, oh, yes, Rafael.

  It’s incredible. Other-worldly. Never have I... Outdoors like this...

  ‘Faye! Rafael!’

  Shit, it’s Dani!

  I scramble to my feet, cup him and pull up his zipper in one, my ‘Jesus!’ and his ‘Dio!’ coming in unison. I’m trying to feed his belt back through the loop when I hear steps on the path behind us and he takes over so I can wipe the back of my hand across my mouth.

  ‘There you are. I thought the vines had swallowed you both up for a second,’ she calls out as I spin to face her and conceal Rafael as best I can behind me. ‘You ready to play cards, the two of you?’

  ‘Yes, absolutely. Raf?’ I turn to look up at him, grateful that the darkness will conceal his flushed cheeks.

  ‘Si, un minuto.’

  Okay, so he’s just saying ‘in one minute’, but still my insides quiver over it as if it’s the sexiest utterance I’ve ever heard.

  I smile at him, my pleasure at what we’ve done shining in my face.

  His eyes fall to mine. His lips are soft—no grim line now, no hardness, sadness or regret—and my heart squeezes in my chest. I did that. I did that to him, for him, and it feels so good, so dangerously good.

  He’s not yours to worry about. He’s not your lover, not your brother, not your concern.

  Only, I do care, and there’s nothing I can do to stop it.

  We might not have a future, but my heart isn’t fussed. I know this is bad, really bad, but if I can enjoy my week like this, if I can go some way towards healing Rafael and his relationship with his family, it can’t be all bad.

  Can it?

  ‘Well, are you coming? They’re getting restless up there.’

  Dani fractures the moment completely and I’ve never been more grateful.

  ‘Coming!’

  I feel his palm press softly into my back, sending far too thrilling a shiver up my spine as he encourages me on. ‘I’m ready.’

  And then it hits me, really hits me: I’m
falling for Dani’s commitment-phobic brother and there’s not a damn thing I can do about it. Nothing at all.

  I practically run up the path ahead of him, my smile all about masking my panic, but I’m hoping she’ll take it as reassurance that her brother is okay...not that she was the one worrying in the first place.

  ‘So, what are we playing?’

  ‘How about strip poker?’

  I’m so off the beat that I merely stare at her in stunned silence.

  ‘Dio, Faye. I’m just kidding!’ She rolls her eyes theatrically. ‘Do you really think I’d play strip poker with my brother, let alone my mother and Tyler’s mother?’

  My laugh is high-pitched and as ridiculous as I feel. ‘I forgot myself for a second.’

  She sends a curious look past me to Rafael and I don’t want to second-guess what it means. She hooks her arm through mine and starts marching us back to the castle. ‘Yeah, you sure did.’

  In more ways than you can ever possibly imagine, Dani, my brain unhelpfully adds.

  I raise my chin and focus, matching her stride for stride.

  You’re having fun. For the first time in a long while, you’re having real, honest-to-God fun. Don’t ruin it by getting all serious now.

  I start to question whether it’s the afternoon drinking at the ‘dive and dine’ on top of the wine consumed at the bridal party dinner that has me acting like some over-concerned, smitten hussy. Yes, all of those things. But one look back at Rafael and the way our eyes meet, the way the fire in his eyes connects with the very heart of me, tells me I’d feel this way regardless.

  I go back to looking straight ahead, to the softly lit castle, beautiful even at night, and try to ignore the panicked little flutter deep inside.

  CHAPTER EIGHT

  Danielle and Tyler’s Wedding Week

  Tuesday: Wine Making and Tasting.

  Two p.m. NB Dress to get your feet wet!

  I CHECK THE time and fight back a grimace. Aunt Netta is due any minute, along with my cousin Sienna, her husband Lorenzo and their kids, Isabella and Leo. It’s not their presence that worries me; it’s the effect it will have on my mother. I’ve avoided being alone with her since her surprisingly sentimental outburst at dinner last night.